


A Sprinkle of Backhanded Compliments

by Lunahras



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Blue is a little shit, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Hate at First Sight, Love/Hate, M/M, Passive-aggression, Sexual Tension, Very Fake Politeness, but it isdone, except not really, here take it, i have no idea why i started writing this, i wouldnt know ive never written romace before, its just paps and blue, its my new destressing project, miiiight develop into something -ahem- yeah, of a sort, oh boy is this what sexual tension looks like??, please ignore the first relationship tag, sans is in the middle of this disaster and very confused, so is papyrus, use of homestuck terminology
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-01-23 12:10:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18549502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunahras/pseuds/Lunahras
Summary: Embark with me on a journey of pettiness and passive-aggression as the two sweetest skeletons attempt to bring each other down by sheer fake politeness.Whaaaaaaaat? Noooooo, this has nothing to do with some weird love-hate crush, what are you talking about? Blue and Papyrus are perfectly good FRIENDS who would never so much a crticize anyone's DRY and WATERY spaghetti or BURNT and TASTELESS tacos or absolute LACK OF FASHION SENSE.Perfectly good friends.





	1. WONDERFUL to meet you!

**Author's Note:**

> someone send help i have no idea what im doing

It was inevitable, really.

From the moment they met, Papyrus and Blue were at odds with each other. Their brothers had thought they would make great friends, that's why they'd introduced them to each other. And while they weren't wrong per se, they also weren't exactly right.

Oh it started amiably enough, both incredibly excited to meet someone with similar hobbies and interests.

“HELLO! I'M THE MAGNIFICENT BLUE! IT'S VERY NICE TO MEET YOU!” the smaller skeleton greeted with a wave and an eager smile.

“HELLO NEW FRIEND! I AM THE GREAT PAPYRUS! IT'S LOVELY TO MEET YOU TOO!” Papyrus greeted back enthusiastically.

“MWEHEHE! YOU SEEM LIKE A GREAT SKELETON INDEED! IT IS CERTAINLY WONDERFUL TO MEET YOU!” Blue exclaimed challengingly.

“YES INDEED! AND YOU'RE QUITE MAGNIFICENT YOURSELF! DEFINITELY FANTASTIC TO MEET YOU!” Was the enthused reply, accompanied by the slightest twitch of an eye-ridge.

“A _PLEASURE_ TO MEET YOU!”

“ABSOLUTELY _THRILLED_ TO MEET YOU!”

Their sockets narrowed simultaneously but their smiles remained fixed. The air between them remained friendly during the rest of the conversation even as their thoughts didn't.

“...AND I WILL BECOME THE BEST ROYAL GUARD, EVEN THOUGH THE ROYAL GUARD WAS RECENTLY DISBANDED!” boasted Papyrus in his usual fashion.

Blue's wide smile became just the slightest bit stiffer, “MWEHEHE! WELL, YOU CAN CERTAINLY TRY! ALTHOUGH YOU MIGHT HAVE SOME ISSUES WITH THAT, SEEING AS _I'LL_ BECOME THE BEST.” he proclaimed, eyelights sharpening right along with his grin.

“...OH?” Papyrus inquired as his own smile widened just a tad and he bent at the waist to look Blue in the eye, simultaneously emphasizing the jarring height difference between them. “I CERTAINLY WOULDN'T MIND ANY... _FRIENDLY_ COMPETITION. IN FACT, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF SPARRING OCCASIONALLY TO KEEP OUR SKILLS SHARP?” he asked as he held out his gloved hand.

“OH IT WOULD BE MY _PLEASURE_ , PAPYRUS!” Blue replied just a bit more enthusiastically than usual, firmly grasping the offered hand.

Papyrus nodded contentedly, straightening up without letting go.

“PERFECT! OH, AND DON'T WORRY BLUE, I WILL BE AS CAREFUL WITH YOU AS I USUALLY AM WITH MY BROTHER.”

Blue suppressed a twitch in his socket as his eyelights shrank and his grip tightened. “THAT'S VERY CONSIDERATE OF YOU, BUT THERE'S REALLY NO NEED. I AM ALSO A GUARD IN TRAINING, AFTER ALL!”

“NEVERTHELESS, ONE SHOULD ALWAYS STRIVE FOR SAFETY FIRST WITH MONSTERS OF YOUR... CONSTITUTION.” Papyrus countered, matching his grip with a look that bordered on amused.

“...OF COURSE.”

Sans and Stretch shared a dubious look. They weren't exactly sure what was happening, but those two seemed to be getting along in a way at least so they shrugged.

Right?

 


	2. It tastes INTERESTING!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papyrus invites Blue over for dinner.

“THANK YOU FOR INVITING ME TONIGHT, PAPYRUS.”

“WELL OF COURSE! MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME!” Papyrus stepped aside to let Blue into the house, ever the gracious host. “IS STRETCH NOT COMING?”

Blue shook his head as he took off his boots to leave them at the entrance and almost getting whiplash from how quickly Papyrus presented him with a pair of house slippers. He took them with a bemused glance before quickly replacing it with a moderately grateful look.

“NO, HE HAD A PREVIOUS ENGAGEMENT.”

“OH, WELL THAT'S DISAPPOINTING. I'LL HAVE TO INVITE THE TWO OF YOU AGAIN SO HE CAN FINALLY TRY MY SPAGHETTI!”

Blue cheerfully clapped his hands once, “WE'D BE DELIGHTED! I'M SURE IT'S JUST  _INDESCRIBABLE!_ ”

Papyrus' sockets narrowed for just a moment before he turned like a whirlwind, walking back into the kitchen as he called over his shoulder, “DINNER WILL BE SERVED IN FIVE MINUTES! SANS CAN KEEP YOU COMPANY IN THE MEANTIME.”

Sans was in fact asleep in the living room and Blue might have remarked on it were it not for the fact that he knew his brother would do the exact same thing. Still, five minutes later Papyrus called them into the kitchen, somehow managing to wake Sans in the process, who offered Blue a sleepy smile and a wink before trudging after him into the kitchen.

The table was decked out simply but tastefully, much to his reluctant approval. As he approached a chair, it was removed from the table in one fluid move, leaving enough space for him to stand in front. He looked up at Papyrus, who had an expectant eye-ridge raised, mouth curving vaguely upwards in a smile that would've seemed sweet were it not for the conniving glint in his sockets.

Blue smiled gratefully with a light blue dusting of embarrassment on his cheekbones, inwardly on the verge of downright seething. He wasn't a lady or some delicate doll, darn it! Nevertheless, he gracefully took the seat offered to him.

Sans for his part found the entire display somewhere between adorable and strangely disquieting. There was way too much going on between the lines with these two and he couldn't even begin to decipher it. Maybe he was due for a talk with Stretch.

A steaming dish of pasta was placed at the center of the table before Papyrus finally took his seat and started serving his guest, followed by Sans and himself, all the while chattering away like usual.

“...USED A BIT MORE CAYENNE PEPPER THAN USUAL, SINCE I'VE HEARD YOU'RE SOMEWHAT FOND OF SPICY FOOD. THE KITCHEN DIDN'T EVEN CATCH FIRE THIS TIME!”

“THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU, TO CHANGE YOUR USUAL RECIPE FOR ME LIKE THAT!” Blue commented with a sugary smile.

“BUT OF COURSE! I AM NOT THE BEST HOST FROM THE UNDERGROUND FOR NOTHING, AFTER ALL!” The taller skeleton gestured enthusiastically with a challenging lilt in his voice as Blue's smile tightened slightly.

A ground out “MH-HM.” was his only reply.

“NOW THEN, THE SPAGHETTI WILL GET COLD! EAT UP, FRIEND!”

“ _GLADLY_.”

Even as Blue and Papyrus maintained increasingly intense eye-contact and two equally sweet smiles, Blue lifted a fork and slowly spun it on the plate, lifting a small nest of pasta to be level with his mouth. He looked down at the pasta, glistening and slowly dripping tomato sauce, a few pieces of onion and tomato peeking out from in-between the wrapped spaghetti. He could still feel Papyrus' expectant gaze on him.

In the seat to the side of each of them, Sans felt a drop of sweat slide down the back of his skull as he slowly pressed himself against the back of the chair and away from whatever was happening at the table. What the hell was even going on right now???

Blue popped the fork into his mouth just as he met Papyrus' gaze once again, expression politely thoughtful yet blank. He chewed with the same expression and swallowed, looking down at the plate and letting out a thoughtful hum.

Papyrus couldn't contain himself anymore.

“WELL? HOW IS IT?”

Blue looked up, as if startled, and then gave a careful rendition of a sheepish smile.

“OH! WELL, IT'S CERTAINLY _INTERESTING_ :” he commented lightly “LIKE HOW YOU USED THE EXTRA WATERY SAUCE TO BALANCE OUT DRY NOODLES. IT'S QUITE INGENIOUS! I'M NOT SURE I WOULD'VE THOUGHT OF THAT!”

Every word made the fork in Papyrus' hand bend slightly more, and the guileless and almost sincerely impressed smile with which they were delivered just drove them a little deeper. He widened his own smile.

“WELL, OF COURSE! IT IS INDEED NICE TO HAVE MY SKILL IN THE KITCHEN ACKNOWLEDGED! ESPECIALLY BY A FRIEND!”

Blue's eyelights, currently star-shaped inside upwards-curved sockets, glittered with something akin to mirth.

“I'M HAPPY TO HAVE MADE YOUR DAY A LITTLE BRIGHTER THEN! NOW, SHALL WE KEEP EATING?”

“YES, OF COURSE.”

The rest of the meal went by normally, to Sans' eye(sockets). There was inane chatter and some very enthusiastic gesturing from both of the other skeletons and a couple of appropriately outraged reactions to his own puns. But he couldn't shake the feeling of some underlying tension throughout the meal.

Finally, after some idle conversation following a simple dessert of vanilla ice-cream, Papyrus escorted Blue to the front door. Sans was about to shortcut to his own room, or maybe the couch, when something caught his eye.

Papyrus' fork was bent at a ninety degrees angle.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -AGGRESSIVE FLIRTING INTENSIFIES-  
> and they dont even know theyre black flirting haha  
> its funny cause theyrethe cute ones


	3. It will be AMAZING!

“PAPYRUS, I SEE YOU MADE IT.”

“BUT OF COURSE! I WOULDN'T MISS THIS GATHERING FOR THE WORLD!”

Blue grinned sharply, “LIKEWISE. AND WHO'S YOUR COMPANION?”

The taller skeleton gasped dramatically in shocked outrage, “YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU DON'T KNOW METTATON?!?!?!? WHY, HE'S JUST THE BIGGEST STAR IN THE UNDERGROUND! NAY, THE _WORLD_!”

“Oh Papyrus darling, that is possibly the best introduction I've ever had.” Mettaton chuckled with fond amusement, much to his companion's starstruck pleasure. “Your words are music to my ears.”

“IT'S WONDERFUL TO MEET YOU, METTATON, BUT I REALLY MUST BEG TO DIFFER. THE BIGGEST STAR IN THE WORLD IS THE AMAZING NAPSTATON!!!” Blue interjected with increasing enthusiasm.

Napstaton released a robotic chuckle of his own, “You really are quite the charmer, Sans. Thank you.”

“ABSOLUTELY ANY TIME!!” Blue exclaimed with actual stars spinning in his sockets. “OH BUT CALL ME BLUE AROUND HERE, THINGS CAN GET PRETTY CONFUSING OTHERWISE.”

“Alright then.” Napstaton indulged before turning to face his apparent counterpart, “A pleasure to meet you~” he greeted with a winning smile.

Mettaton smiled right back with a glint in his eyes, “Oh, the pleasure's entirely mine~”

“METTATON WILL BE PERFORMING LATER TONIGHT! IT WILL BE MAGNIFICENT I'M SURE!” Papyrus announced excitedly, a strange glint in his sockets.

Napstaton opened his mouth to reply, but was beaten to it by Blue, “OH, SO WILL NAPSTATON! HE'LL MAKE FOR AN AMAZING OPENING NUMBER! THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE EVENING AS I'M SURE YOU KNOW!” His star shaped eyelights were spinning almost aggressively.

Papyrus' smile widened unnaturally and he cut in before Mettaton could say anything, “OF COURSE! I'M TRULY DISAPPOINTED THAT EVEN WITH SUCH GREAT PLACEMENT IN THE SCHEDULE HE WILL BE OUTSHINED BY METTATON NOT MUCH LATER.”

Blue clenched his fists behind his back, grin almost manic, “I'M NOT SURE WE QUITE AGREE ON THE DEFINITION OF 'OUTSHINING', PAPYRUS.” he said, injecting as much cheer into his bones as possible.

Papyrus looked him over, top to bottom, and his following smile was nothing short of thinly veiled condescension parading as wide-eyed understanding. It made every joint in Blue's body lock up with a burning mix of emotions he was hesitant to muddle through at the moment but which definitely included absolute outrage.

“OH, I'M SURE WE DO.”

Meanwhile, Mettaton and Napstablook watched the interaction from the sidelines with intrigued astonishment.

“I've never seen him act quite that intensely passive-agressive.” Mettaton mused, sounding vaguely impressed.

Napstaton hummed thoughtfully. “I'd have to say the same. He's always seemed too...”

“Innocent?” Mettaton guessed with a quirked eyebrow, which earned him a wry smile.

“Something like that.” Napstaton admitted, “They seem to have taken over our own 'friendly' rivalry before it even had a chance to begin.”

The pink robot huffed in amusement, “Indeed~ This would honestly make for amazing entertainment, even if it doesn't include my beautiful self.”

At once, they looked at each other and then back at the politely bickering pair.

“Are you thinking what I'm thinking, darling?” Mettaton asked, the question was superfluous but wonderfully dramatizing.

“But of course, handsome~” Napstaton replied with a low chuckle.

A business partnership wasn't as dramaticas a rivalry, but it sure could make for some interesting opportunities.

“ISN'T THAT RIGHT, NAPSTATON?” came a sudden but very urgent sounding query from the pair of skeletons. Being an amazing performer, said robot acted as if he knew exatly what those two were talking about while his counterpart caught onto the conversation.

This whole alternate universe business sure was interesting.

 


End file.
